Shameful Silence: What You Don't Know About Domestic Violence

“Powerful, passionate, and meticulously researched, Shameful Silence is both an indictment of our current systems and a roadmap for creating a more equitable future where all victims receive the support they deserve.”

―Nathan Maynard, youth worker, educator, speaker, and author of The Science of Discipline

“Lozano brings together solid research, powerful personal stories, and sharp legal insight to shine a light on a hidden epidemic. This book doesn’t just inform―it shifts how we understand intimate partner violence and challenges us to see it more clearly and compassionately.”

―Eli Weinstein, LCSW, author of From I Do to We Do and host of The Dude Therapist podcast

“Eye-opening and urgent, Shameful Silence exposes the hidden costs of our gendered assumptions about violence and offers a compelling vision for a more inclusive approach to supporting all survivors.”

―Sylvia Kalicinski, PhD, LMFT, therapist, speaker, host of The Dr. Sylvia K Show podcast, and author of Lonely AF

“With compassion and clarity, Lozano illuminates the silent suffering of countless men and provides a roadmap for systemic change. Shameful Silence isa must-read for anyone committed to ending domestic violence in all its forms.”

―Katie Hurley, LCSW, child and adolescent psychotherapist, parenting educator, public speaker, and author of Breaking the Boy Code

Attorney Alexandra Lozano, founder of one of America’s largest humanitarian immigration law firms, brings seventeen years of frontline experience advocating for thousands of male domestic violence survivors. Drawing on powerful true stories from her practice and hard data from organizations like the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, she exposes a hidden epidemic affecting 25 percent of men―yet acknowledged by almost no one. This urgent book reveals how shame, stigma, and systemic bias trap millions of men in silence.

Shameful Silence identifies the sophisticated arsenal of non-physical abuse that leaves invisible scars: gaslighting that makes victims question their reality, financial manipulation that strips independence, parental alienation that weaponizes children, and false allegations that destroy reputations. Lozano combines legal expertise with psychological research to help readers recognize abuse patterns that traditional resources overlook, providing a blueprint for recognition and intervention.

Beyond exposing these patterns, the book offers practical guidance for navigating biased legal systems, protecting children during custody battles, and rebuilding self-worth after trauma. Lozano challenges readers to dismantle harmful stereotypes about masculinity and victimhood, presenting a vision where vulnerability and strength coexist. Each chapter provides actionable strategies for escape, healing, and systemic advocacy that survivors and their allies can implement immediately.

Written for men experiencing or having experienced domestic abuse, this book validates their experiences while offering pathways to freedom. Family members, friends, and partners seeking to support male ­survivors will gain critical understanding of non-physical abuse dynamics. Legal professionals, healthcare providers, social workers, and domestic violence advo­cates will find essential insights for providing inclusive, trauma-informed services.