What's Really Holding You Back?

It’s Time for a Breakthrough

Just ten minutes into our 240-mile sea adventure, I found myself in the grip of fear. The turbulence and swells of the Atlantic Ocean were more intimidating than I had expected. In fact, I had not anticipated any turbulence. I simply had pictured us having a fun adventure as we navigated our newly purchased thirty-four-foot powerboat from northern New Jersey, where we bought it, to the Washington DC area, where we live.

Now my husband had, in fact, warned me the trip would be rough. But as so often happens in life, words failed to communicate the full impact of reality. Sitting anxiously next to Charles in the cockpit, I did my best not to look distraught, but I had to repeatedly bite my tongue to avoid blurting out, “Stop! Let’s go back and let a truck haul the boat down I-95. It’ll be in DC in no time!” Instead, my thumbs quietly typed cell-phone text messages to my parents and one of my girlfriends every hour or so, updating them on our location. If we perish out here, at least they’ll know where to look for us, I thought as the boat rose and fell with the swells of the ocean, giving my stomach the feeling that I was on a continuous roller-coaster ride. I was not having fun, and I wondered if my stomach could take it much longer.

I knew that if I could simply endure my uneasiness, we would make it back to DC as planned and have a fabulous adventure to reminisce about. As unsettling as it was for me–a woman whose swimming abilities are pretty much limited to the backstroke–to bounce around in the eighty-foot depths two miles off the East Coast, two important facts gave me the confidence not to panic. First, we had a navigation plan. We knew exactly where we were going and how to get there and that we’d spend just eighty miles of our trip in the ocean, even though that eighty miles would take more than ten hours in these conditions. Second, my husband had served nearly ten years as a naval officer, at times navigating ships from the coast of California across the Pacific Ocean to various ports in Asia. If I trusted anyone to get us safely from New Jersey to DC, it was Charles. These two facts didn’t eliminate my fears, but they gave me the strength to endure them.

By the time we arrived home two days later, I was sure the trip had been worth it. Stops in Atlantic City and quaint towns in Delaware and Maryland I’d not previously visited made for a miniature vacation. We arrived home feeling a sense of accomplishment.

When we finally docked at our marina, three friends dropped by to see the new boat and get the scoop on our trip. “So, Val, was it worth it?” one of them asked.

“Well, it was rough for a while there,” I admitted. “I don’t think I’d want to do it again, but I’m really glad we took the trip. It was well worth it.” The experience helped me appreciate the power of the ocean as well as the relative calmness of the Potomac River.

For me, our trip–and my choices along the way–offered an illustration of life. In order to get where we want to be, we must often endure fear, uncertainty, or uneasiness. If we don’t panic and flee in the opposite direction at the first sign of turbulence, we’ll reach our goal–often with new experiences and insights that will help us conquer greater frontiers in the future.

This experience drove home to me the truth that you and I are meant to live fully, passionately, and freely. God has placed within each of us a driving passion along with the skills to accomplish our particular purpose and vision. But as we seek to do so, we will often face the choice of whether to embrace an adventure that could take us further along the path to success–but that will also take us beyond our comfort zone. These experiences offer us the opportunity to develop our character and broaden our perspective, taking us to a new place in life. But many times we give in to our fears, remaining docked in our boring but safe harbor instead of traveling toward the life we were created to live.

The distress of feeling we need to cross the ocean to be within sight of our dreams can be enough to crush our resolve, our perseverance, and even our sense of hope. However, if we can endure the turbulence and keep our eyes on the destination, we’ll be empowered to break free from our fears, obstacles, and misconceptions and sail on toward the goal that lies just over the horizon.

Is Something Holding You Back?

In my life and executive coaching practice and throughout one of my earlier books, Listen to Your Life, I strive to help individuals explore their unique path in life–the path that makes the most of their natural gifts and talents, fulfills their life purpose, and leads to extraordinary success in every area of their life. But as I’ve talked with readers, coaching clients, and friends, I’ve learned that even those who know their purpose and recognize their path often appear to be paralyzed, unable to make progress toward their goals. Basically, there is a gap between where they are and where they want to be, and an invisible force seems to be holding them back.

Can you relate to this experience? Is there a gap between where you are in life and where you want to be? Do you feel as if an invisible force is holding you back from reaching your goals and achieving your dreams? The purpose of this book is to help you identify that force, to determine what’s holding you back and then conquer it. It’s time for a breakthrough!

I have found that when we muster up the courage to close an important gap despite our fears or doubts, we gain more than the reward of a goal reached. We gain depth of character and strength of courage. Through the process, we become more of the person God created us to be. Life is about so much more than what we achieve; it’s about who we are and who we are becoming.

So how do you know when something is holding you back? Here are a few signs:
•Despite your passion or desire for something, you do not take steps to attain it.
•Others see more potential in you than you can see for yourself.
•You believe that others have held you back or hindered you in some way.
•You believe in your potential but are afraid to move toward it.
•You feel stuck.
•You are worried about embarrassing yourself.
•You are hiding behind shame or guilt.
•You have given up on certain goals or dreams because of something in your past.
•You allow fear to control your decisions.
•You sidestep issues that need to be addressed in order to avoid conflict or disappointment.
•You have talents you rarely use.
•You do not know your life purpose.
•You think or speak in negative terms about yourself, your abilities, and your goals.
•You are waiting on perfect circumstances before you take a step forward.

Are You Ready to Break Free?
At times we have trouble acknowledging, let alone conquering, the things that are holding us back. Some time ago as I was having dinner with a couple of new friends during a conference in Miami, the conversation turned to our individual goals and aspirations. As I laid out my hopes for the future, both friends listened attentively. They were enthusiastic and encouraging as they acknowledged that they could see the vision I had described to them. Al-though the hopes I shared seemed major to me, clearly they had no problem imagining me accomplishing them. One friend, a business coach named Andrew Morrison, founder of SmallBusinessCamp.com, even seemed perplexed that I had not already accomplished some of the goals I mentioned. Looking directly at me,...