Alan D. Wolfelt, PhD, is a speaker, a grief counselor, and director of the Center for Loss and Life Transition. He is the author of Healing Your Grieving Heart, The Journey through Grief, and Understanding Your Grief. He lives in Fort Collins, Colorado.

The Mourner's Book of Hope

By Alan D. Wolfelt

Center for Loss and Life Transition

Copyright © 2010 Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-879651-65-4

Contents

ALSO BY ALAN WOLFELT,
Dedication,
Title Page,
Copyright Page,
Introduction,
Day 1 - Know That You Will Survive,
Day 2 - Keep Your Heart Open,
Day 3 - Befriend Hope,
Day 4 - Understand That Time Does Not Heal All Wounds,
Day 5 - Ask Questions,
Day 6 - Consciously Choose Hope,
Day 7 - Sit in the Quietness of Hope,
Day 8 - Move Toward Your Pain,
Day 9 - Borrow Hope If You Need To,
Day 10 - Know That There Are No Rewards for Speed,
Day 11 - Share Your Story,
Day 12 - Don't Just Grieve, Mourn,
Day 13 - Slow Down,
Day 14 - Come Back to the Present Moment,
Day 15 - Sit In Your Wound,
Day 16 - Recognize You Are the Keeper of Your Life Force,
Day 17 - Reignite Your Divine Spark,
Day 18 - Move From Head to Heart,
Day 19 - Look for Open Doors,
Day 20 - Allow Yourself To Surrender,
Day 21 - Carry the Light Of Hope,
Day 22 - Seek Solitude,
Day 23 - Practice Gratitude,
Day 24 - Listen to and Feel Hope,
Day 25 - Touch the Hand of Hope,
Day 26 - Embrace Transformation,
Day 27 - Celebrate Life,
Day 28 - Be Open to Possibilities,
Day 29 - Spread Your Wings,
Day 30 - Rediscover Happiness,
Closing Thougts - Embrace an Attitude of Hope as You Continue Your Journey,
ALSO BY ALAN WOLFELT,

CHAPTER 1

Day 1

Know That You Will Survive

Beginnings are scary. Endings are usually sad, but it's what's in the middle that counts. So, when you find yourself at the beginning, just give hope a chance to float up. And it will!

~ Hope Floats

It may be difficult for you to believe right now, but you will survive this. I know that you will survive because we all have the capacity to mourn in ways that integrate loss into our lives. Just as a physical wound on your body heals when you give it proper care and attention, when you take time to care for and attend to the painful emotional and spiritual wounds that are present in your life, you will find hope and healing.

Let yourself whisper these hope-filled words, "I will survive." Take the words in and just hold them in your mind and heart for a moment. They are there to offer reassurance when you question whether or not you can keep going. Let these words carry you through the next breath, the next moment, the next hour, the next day, for as long as you need to be carried.

One way to bring hope into your life right now is to gently remind yourself that you will survive somehow, someway. You don't have to know exactly how or why or when, but know that you will make it through to the other side of this. Begin each day by reminding yourself that you will survive. Gently remind yourself ...

• The future is going to feel brighter because the darkness will soften as I move through my grief;

• These raw emotions that I'm feeling right now will lessen as long as I allow myself to feel the pain when is surfaces; and

I Find hope in the darkest of days, and focus in the brightest. I do not judge the universe.

~ Dalai Lama

• I will not always feel this way because each of us has the capacity to heal. I have the capacity to befriend my grief and integrate this profound loss into my life.

Gently bring hope for survival into your life each day. As you do this, your broken heart will begin to heal. Your healed heart will be able to feel love, joy, and happiness again. Your mind will find some of the answers it is seeking, and those answers will be enough. You can gather enough energy to get through the next hour or day, and that energy will be a gentle reminder that your divine spark is preparing to be reignited.

Let hope in somehow, somewhere ... and believe that you will survive.

When the world says, "Give up," Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."

~ Unknown

Personal Reflection on Hope

How will I remind myself each day that I WILL survive this?

__________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________ __________________________________________________________

Day 2

Keep Your Heart Open

The inability to open up to hope is what blocks trust, and blocked trust is the reason for blighted dreams.

~ Elizabeth Gilbert

Naturally, it may be difficult for you to open your heart right now. Your heart may be so filled with pain that opening it feels impossible. But living with an open heart is one way to allow hope to come into your life.

When someone we love dies, our heart and mind are initially flooded with emotion. We cannot believe that the person we love will not physically be part of our everyday life any longer. At times the hurt runs so deep that we want to put up walls and protect our vulnerable heart.

We want to protect our heart from being flooded. Because we are so overwhelmed with grief, it feels as if there is no room to take in anything more. We are vulnerable, and we naturally want to protect our heart from feeling any more loss or pain. When someone we love dies, we often fear losing more things that are precious to us.

Protecting your heart by taking care of yourself is one of the best things you can do for yourself when you are grieving the death of someone loved. Eating well, exercising, and getting enough rest are among the ways you can take care of yourself right now.

Protecting your heart by retreating from the support and love of others, on the other hand, is not something that will help you heal. Your body, mind, and emotional self may want to build walls and guard against loving and receiving love from others right now. Holding love at arm's length means you may be missing out on the opportunity to have loving support, genuine caring, and authentic warmth at a time when you need them the most.

Love comes to those who still hope even though they've been disappointed, to those who still believe even though they've been betrayed, to those who still love even though they've been hurt before.

~ Unknown

Perhaps it is helpful to remind yourself that your heart is your "well of reception." It is moved entirely by what it has perceived. Authentic mourning is an opportunity to embrace your open heart in ways that allow for and encourage your eventual healing.

This loss is a reminder that love is precious. It is something you want to experience as much and as often as possible. Love never dies. Even the love you feel for the person who died still exists. Over time you will transform that love into loving memory and carry it with you for the rest of your life.

Don't turn away from the support or love others have to offer, even in the face of fear. Keep your heart open to love, and hope will find its way in, no matter how overwhelmed by grief you may feel.

To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.

~ Unknown

Personal Reflection on Hope

Is my heart open or closed right now? What am I doing to keep my heart open to love in the face of this painful...