MILLION DOLLAR COACHING

BUILD A WORLD-CLASS PRACTICE BY HELPING OTHERS SUCCEED

By ALAN WEISS

The McGraw-Hill Companies, Inc.

Copyright © 2011 Alan Weiss
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-0-07-174379-2

Contents

PREFACECHAPTER 1 WHAT ON EARTH IS A COACH?CHAPTER 2 THE COACH’S CALLINGCHAPTER 3 SETTING YOURSELF UP FOR SUCCESSCHAPTER 4 DELIVERING THE GOODSCHAPTER 5 METHODOLOGIES, TECHNOLOGIES, AND ANALOGIESCHAPTER 6 CREATING LONG, LONG-TERM CLIENTSCHAPTER 7 HOW NOT TO LEAVE MONEY ON THE TABLECHAPTER 8 AGGRESSIVE MARKETINGCHAPTER 9 DEVELOPING YOURSELFCHAPTER 10 HIGHER LEVELSAPPENDIX WHAT’S MY COACH QUOTIENT (CQ)?101 QUESTIONS FOR ANY SALES SITUATION YOU’LL EVER FACEINTERVIEWS WITH COACHESINDEX

Excerpt

CHAPTER 1

WHAT ON EARTH IS A COACH?

IF IT’S NOT CLEAR TO YOU, DON’T WORRY; IT’S NOT VERY CLEAR TO ME

WHO CERTIFIES THE CERTIFIERS?

A coach who is very well known today was starting out in the 1990s with noexperience, no college education, and, basically, no clue. She asked if shecould hang out with me when I visited some clients and prospects, so that shecould understand what these engagements were all about.

In a wild fit of goodwill, I said yes.

After some weeks of this, she decided that she was sufficiently educated andasked if she could do anything for me in return. I assured her that it was mypleasure, and that nothing was needed. But she persisted.

“There must be something I can coach you about. Tell me something you’ve alwayswanted to do but haven’t been able to accomplish.”

I was getting weary, so I said, “Okay, I’ve always wanted to host a regularradio show. I’ve done it once or twice, but I’d love to have a daily program.” Ifigured that if there was any vague possibility that she could help with this,it would be fine with me.

“Right!” she said. “Starting in a couple of days, I’m going to help you with mygreatest coaching technique.”

Four days later, I received a letter from her. Inside was a card, which said (Iam NOT making this up):

“Every day, say three times in the morning, ‘I WILL have a radio show, I WILLhave a radio show.’ Before you know it, your dreams will come true.”

I still don’t have a radio show, but I have a profound sense of how ridiculousand amateurish the coaching “profession” can be. (Don’t forget, this person hasbeen widely seen on television and in print media.)

In a classic five-minute comedy sketch, Bob Newhart portrays a therapist whonever takes more than five minutes, and charges a dollar a minute. When a womanreveals that she’s afraid of being enclosed in a box and buried, he tells herthat there’s a two-word cure. She takes out a notebook, and he yells, “STOPIT!!!” When she shares that she also has myriad other issues, he yells, “STOPIT!!!” each time. When she tells him that she’s very unhappy with his therapy,he agrees to slow up and says that he’ll give her an additional 10-word cure:”STOP IT OR I’LL PUT YOU IN A BOX AND BURY YOU!!”

What’s the “truth” about what constitutes a coach? I can tell you this: it’s notattending a program and obtaining a certificate and some arcane initials afteryour name. No government institution, no academic source, no Gnostic parchmentshave endowed these programs with the ability to create coaches better thananyone else.

At times, I’ve had to tell people to “knock it off,” a là Newhart, and to stopwhining or complaining or opening all baggage. At other times, however, I’ve hadto gingerly explain to a division president that his decline in personaleffectiveness and productivity was due to clinical depression (having tested forthe indicators), and that he had a disease that needed treatment. These extremesand everything in between are often demanded of a good coach.

So the first thing I want to tell you is that a great many people, although noteveryone, can coach. The requisite skills and behaviors are learnable and notnatal, but they are not automatically certifiable by having performed certainrituals and made certain tuition payments. Not only have I coached extensively,but I’ve helped develop coaches all over the world, both within and outside oforganizations.

Here are some of the key characteristics that I’ve assembled:

1. Skills

• Highly skilled and sensitive listening

• Superb oral communication, combining both tact and directness

• A keen ability to observe behavior and detect cognitive dissonance

• The capability to develop behavioral objectives and metrics for success

• A combination of “frontstage and backstage” counseling

• Empathy as distinct from sympathy

• Minimally, basic consulting skills and organizational knowledge

2. Behaviors

• High assertiveness, when needed, to overcome procrastination

• High persuasiveness, to influence and convince

• Moderate patience levels, to listen but not lose momentum

• Moderate detail orientation, to track progress but not overanalyze

• High integrity, to preserve confidentiality

• A high sense of proportion, to place others’ behaviors in context

• A healthy ego, convinced that one can help, but not playing the role of”savior”

3. Experiences

• Having been successfully coached oneself

• Organizational experience as an employee

• Interaction with intended client levels as a peer

Note that I haven’t included age or amount of experience. Obviously, a youngerperson may not have had the time to gain some of these requirements, but it’snot out of the question. Many mature people who are looking at coaching as asecond career still don’t have the requisites despite their years at work.

Stop it! Don’t regard coaching as some kind of dark science or as somelofty cosmic pursuit. It is merely the temporary engagement with a client tohelp that client improve. The odds are, if you’re reading this, you can do it.If you continue reading, you’ll probably be able to do it really well.

Most definitions of coaching include specific disciplines, activities, andregimens. They tend to focus on helping someone become better at certainactivities. All of that may be true, but I prefer this:

A coach helps someone create a desired result through improved behaviorand performance, as mutually determined at the outset.

Therefore, if you’re coaching me, we’ll agree from the beginning on how I’ll bebetter when we’re done (the output or result) and how we’ll know it (the metricor indicators). If we don’t establish these things at the outset, then how do weknow that we’re making progress or are on the right track?

That’s why “life coaches” and such designations make zero sense to me. What doesthat mean? You’re going to improve my “life”? I find that most of these coachesaren’t coaches at all, but people with predetermined alternatives that theyclaim have worked for them (did the woman who sent me that card really readsomething to herself three times a morning?!) and/or for others. Part of thereason that coaching has grown as a pseudo-separate discipline is that it’ssomething of a pet rock: there is a cachet to claiming that you have a personalcoach, whether the coach makes sense or not and whether you abide by his or heradvice or not.

It’s sort of like a piece of art that you put up that you really can’t stand oreven understand, but you want others to know you can afford it.

I don’t think we need some kind of “trend du jour” affectation, nor the conceitthat coaching is embedded deep in eschatology. Rather, we need an attitude ofprofessional help. “Professional,” because presumably anyone who is reading thisbook intends to be paid for the value and improvement that he or she providesfor clients. And “help” because we are supposed to be improving the client’scondition. The Hippocratic Oath’s “first, do no harm” is insufficient for ourpurposes. We shouldn’t be paid for leaving the client “as is.”

Our mission and our value is in leaving our client better off than when wewalked in. That requires a definitive starting point, intermediate steps, and anagreed-upon disengagement. If you’re coaching on an indefinite basis, youhaven’t created an improved condition for your client. You’ve createdcodependency.

Some of the earliest references to coaching are actually quite modern. In 1830,the term coach was in use at Oxford to denote instructors, and as you wouldimagine, by 1831 it was being used in sports. However, “coaching” was going onbefore the beginning of recorded history, no doubt, as one person showed anotherhow to plant rutabagas, elude a tiger, or deal with an injury.

And while I can’t prove it, I’m betting that none of these early, no doubteffective coaches had any initials after their names. Most likely, they didn’teven have names.

If you’re curious about how good a coach you may already be, see the Appendixfor “What’s My Coach Quotient (CQ)?”

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A COACH AND A MENTOR

There are various roles that a person can take on when he or she is advisingothers. For example, one is the therapist, where a Ph.D. or even an MD isearned, certain state requirements must be met, and help ranges from explorationof upbringing and environment to sexual identity, and from periodic 50-minute”hours” to the prescription of medication (and, at times, even incarceration).At the other extreme are “talk radio” call-in shows, where listeners are”diagnosed” and provided with remedial action by someone with few credentialsother than the ability to draw high ratings. (One such “doctor” actually had aPh.D. in physiology or some such thing, sort of like a famed TV “meteorologist”whose degree was in optometry).

I’m going to leave out the extremes, because otherwise I’d be dealing withgraphology, invalid personality tests, fortune cookies, horoscopes, tea leaves,palmists, and psychics. (Remind me again: why does a professed psychic need acell phone?) There are myriad soi-disant advisors out there. They are not withinmy purview here.

So that leaves us with two quite common and confused interventions that meritsome discussion and separation: coaching and mentoring.

I’ve done both, and I still do. I maintain a global mentoring program and haveinstructed “mentor masters” in how best to help others. Thus, it’s beenimportant for me to understand the differences.

A mentor who is within an organization is usually a superior to whom theperson being mentored does not report. Mentors are usually in an entirelydifferent hierarchy. Such mentors are common in larger organizations, which mayhave formal mentor programs. Generally, high-potential people are assigned amentor to help them overcome cultural, political, and ethical issues that theymay encounter. Such mentoring can also be informal and virtually accidental. Inpolice departments, a mentor is often called a “rabbi” who looks after the well-beingof someone whom he has taken under his wing.

Outside of an organization, mentors often provide help to entrepreneurs, ownersof small firms, and professional services providers. This is a one-on-onerelationship that may be formalized or completely informal.

If it is informal, we hear phrases such as, “Peter Drucker was a true mentor tome when I became involved with assisting clients with their strategies.” Thatstatement does not imply a formal relationship or even a personal connection. Itmeans that the individual was motivated, guided, and/or informed by Drucker’sworks.

If it is formal, we hear, “I was mentored by Maria Gomez,” meaning that theindividual had a personal relationship with the mentor, most probably, althoughnot necessarily, for money. (I sometimes have to gently nudge people who claimthat they were mentored by me because they’ve read some of my books or attendedsome workshops, since that implies inclusion in my formal program. I can’t allowthat claim for quality and branding reasons.)

Stop It! Don’t use mentor and coach interchangeably. Not only does doingso unduly cloud the two functions, but if you encourage prospects to do that,you may be lowering your potential fees. Read on!

Here are some clear distinctions between coaches and mentors:

As a rule, mentors are experienced, successful people who provide wisdom andinsights that may or may not require actual content expertise in the subjectmatter. Coaches, however, generally need strong process skills and somedemonstrable knowledge of the content involved. (Content is what isbeing discussed; process is how you do what is discussed. Manufacturingtires is a content issue, but decision making is a process that transcends thecontent of the subject matter.)

The segmentation into “life coaches” and so forth has always struck me as morethan silly. What qualifies someone to be a life coach, even if you can conjureup a definition? Would it be someone who has already lived life and cantherefore provide empirical advice? Or someone who is now living such anunequivocally great life that others can only gawk in envy? I find that mostlife coaches are so pretentious that they need to, well, get a life.

Before you howl, I know that athletic coaches are a different sort, and thatfinancial coaches focus on one bit of content—points conceded. But you’rereading this to enter the field of, or vastly improve your success in,professional coaching. So it’s vital that you understand the mainstream and notworry about the peripheral. (My personal trainer may be coaching me, but herefers to himself as a personal trainer, and my financial guy calls himself afinancial strategist. I’ve never heard my lawyer refer to himself as a legalcoach.)

There are grand and quite fundamental reasons why people require coaches, andwe’ll talk about them next. You may find flaws with some of my distinctionsbetween coaches and mentors, or you may come up with a dozen more differences.No matter. What I want to convey is that coaching is a noble and importantprofession in its own right, need not be further specialized or delimited, andnever need be apologized for.

No matter what the field, great coaches share a passion for improving theirclients’ condition. Often as not, that requires restraint, not forcefulness.I’ll use a sports coach as an example: Joe McCarthy, the legendary New YorkYankees baseball manager, once remarked to a reporter during batting practicethat the future Hall of Fame player Mel Ott had the most perfect swing he’d everseen.

“What did he say when you pointed that out?” asked the reporter.

“Oh, I’d never tell him,” said McCarthy, “or I’d make him self-conscious andhe’d begin thinking about it.”

Mentors don’t have to worry about this crucial distinction, but coaches do: thedecision whether to leave someone alone in unconscious competency, bring theminto conscious competency, or move them from the latter into the former is oneof the most telling attributes of successful coaches. When a mentor isapproached, the conversation is almost always about conscious competency.

But the true coach has the opportunity and the responsibility to deal with somuch more than that.

THE (SURPRISING) REASONS THAT WE REQUIRE COACHES

Coaching has been around forever because it’s been needed forever. We’re nottalking about some ephemeral improvement, like treading on hot coals or powermeditation. People need to be coached for the following reasons:

• They identify a need.

– They consistently fail at something.

– They want to be part of the “in crowd” (normative pressure).

– They want an excuse. (“Even my coach can’t help me.”)

– They want to get better for future benefit.

• Someone else identifies a need.

– They are unconsciously causing problems.

– They are part of common programs (everyone at this level is coached).

– They have been identified for advancement.

• Their conditions and needs change.

– They are “made redundant.”

– They decide to change companies or careers.

– They need new skills and behaviors.

– They must master new techniques (e.g., technology).

• The problem is that nothing has changed.

– They don’t know what they don’t know (recent graduates).

– They won’t be successful unless they receive the coaching that othersare receiving.

• There is an innate human desire to improve.

– They want to get better at their passions (bass fishing, making love).

– They are bored with their current condition.

– They seek assurance that they’re not missing anything.

– They want to compete (gamblers, contestants).

– They want to brag and improve their ego gratification.

• They are themselves coaches, trainers, or teachers.

– They need to remain on the leading edge of the process.

– They need to create excellent role models.

– They are their own laboratory.

• They seek to validate their worth and success.

– They want to avoid complacency, even though they are “on top.”

– They require external validation to prove their worth.

– They lack other kinds of support networks and feedback options.

With that kind of need, how can you not make it in this profession?!

I admit that some of these needs may be overlapping, but they’re worthconsidering for your own skill development and marketing plans. Here are somepractical examples:

1. Beauty contestants and spelling bee competitors are no longer able towin based on their native skills, talents, or beauty. They don’t stand a chanceunless they are carefully coached on technique, fatigue, judging, and so forth.When I was a contestant on the game show Jeopardy, doing it as a larkbetween business trips, I was astounded to see, after the preliminaryqualifiers, that all my fellow contestants were studying and practicing. It’slike being a good schoolyard athlete (which I was): it’s not enough for the bigtime. (I lost in the first round to a dancing waiter from Iowa.)

2. SAT coaching became big business when so much emphasis came to beplaced on these tests for college admissions. Despite the deemphasis lately, wesee people being coached for success in standardized tests all over the world.One of my clients does nothing but help prepare people to pass the bar exam,often with the law schools’ recommendations and blessings.

3. Just as you shouldn’t serve as your own lawyer even if you are one,you should never serve as your own coach. I routinely help time managementexperts with time management, marketing gurus with marketing, and sales top gunswith sales. We make our own worst clients, and good people need sounding boards.

(Continues…)
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