A Jewish Life on Three Continents

The Memoir of Menachem Mendel Frieden

By LEE SHAI WEISSBACH

Stanford University Press

Copyright © 2013 Board of Trustees of the Leland Stanford Junior University
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-0-8047-8363-7

Contents

The Memoir of Menachem Mendel Frieden: An Introduction…………………ixA Note on Translation and Editing……………………………………xxixA Note on References……………………………………………….xxxviiAcknowledgments……………………………………………………xliPhotographs follow Menachem Mendel Frieden’s Apologia………………….Menachem Mendel Frieden’s Apologia…………………………………..1My Father’s Family…………………………………………………13My Mother’s Family…………………………………………………23My Father’s House………………………………………………….43Me and My Youth……………………………………………………73My Entry into Heder………………………………………………..93On My Way through Yeshivot………………………………………….114Passover and the Holiday Cycle………………………………………134More Yeshiva Studies……………………………………………….162My Studies with Rabbis……………………………………………..177Matchmakers and Marriage……………………………………………202America…………………………………………………………..223I Found the Best Woman……………………………………………..256My Journey to the Land of Israel and My Early Activities There………….276The Work of Americans in the Land of Israel and My Role in It…………..303More on Life in the Land of Israel…………………………………..332Travels, the Era of World War II, and Illness…………………………357A Second Trip to the United States…………………………………..394Afterword: Menachem Mendel Frieden’s Journal and His Life after 1947…….425Glossary………………………………………………………….457Index…………………………………………………………….463

Excerpt

CHAPTER 1

Menachem Mendel Frieden’s Apologia

I approach the writing of my memoir because of an inner impulse torecord all that is preserved in my memory about the life of my familyand about my own life, which encompasses the end of the nineteenthcentury and the beginning of the twentieth. I do not pretend to providenew insights concerning Jewish life in general during this period. Muchhas already been written about the Lithuanian Diaspora by Jewish authorsin the past and they have written very well. I am interested mainlyin the life of my own family. To the extent that I am able, I wish to leavefor members of the family in future generations an accurate portrait ofthe life of the family in the past and to spare them the despair that overtakesme as I come to write about the past, on account of the lack of anydetails about the earlier generations of our family. I recall how, whenI was still in my childhood, I used to leaf through the empty pages ofmy father’s books, the first pages in the binding; perhaps I’d find somenotation about early members of the family. And I recall my disappointmentat finding all the pages blank.

Occasionally, I would turn to my parents, asking them to tell mesomething about their past. They would put me off with a question:”What does it matter to you?” I would listen in on the intimate eveningconversations between my grandmother and my mother as theyspoke about the past and about life in olden times. These have beenpreserved in my memory—things I learned in childhood—meager bitsof information, it is true, but they can form a sort of initial foundationfor my work, if I am at all able to dredge up from murky oblivionthat which my eyes observed and my ears heard during my childhoodand adolescence; if I am able to make known their correct meaningand to be capable of describing the nature of that life from a timenow distant.

How pleased I would have been had earlier members of the familythought to record their memoirs as a keepsake for future generations.How important this is for one who is inclined to wonder aboutthe family’s past. May future generations not come to fault me in thisregard. Every generation makes its demands. There was a time longago when the generations thought about the future. Evidence of thiscomes from the ancient sites that have been discovered over the lastcentury, ancient sites and hiding places in caves. And even before them,hiding places and antiquities were discovered. It is the nature of manto be concerned that his memory will never be forgotten; our sageshave said that the first human being wrote a book of memoirs: SifradAdam Kadmoni.

A second reason for this impulse is to give coming generations ofmy family an opportunity to learn from my mistakes so that they canavoid making them. I have made many mistakes in my life, due eitherto lack of knowledge or lack of experience, mistakes of my youth, of mymiddle years, and also mistakes of my old age. Indeed, “there is no righteousman in the land who has not sinned,” and sin is almost always aresult of error or loss of sanity; these are synonymous. My hope is thatthose who read my words will benefit from them and find them useful,and this will be my reward.

This, and more. The course of my life has passed through three continents:Russia, North America, and the Land of Israel. Each land hasits own customs and lifestyle; each country its own culture and laws,and whether we like it or not, we are influenced by the variations fromplace to place, whether we realize it or not. In this memoir, if I am able,I would like to give an accounting to myself, to summarize everything,to the extent that my memory will serve me as I stand at the thresholdof old age. May my memory not fail me. May the calmed psyche of oldage not induce me to brighten up the past with the lantern of the present;may I succeed in bringing to life that which I experienced and perhapsalso the personal emotions that always accompany events. The lateDr. Shmaryahu Levin once said: “Feelings are what build bridges betweenthoughts and actions.” And if this is so, then past events can’t beaccurately described without remembering the feelings that influencedthem. I have at hand no notes, either my own or those of someone else.Although I always thought about keeping a diary, I never did. And howsorry about that I am now.

In the year 1923, two years after I made aliya to the Land of Israeland after I left the cigarette business with my hands in the air, when Ihad to decide if I should return to the United States or remain in thecountry and try my hand at an office job, in a dejected mood and findingit difficult to answer this fateful question, I found consolation in thedetermination to delay a decision for a while and I devoted myself toreading. And through that, I started occasional writing about this andthat. And then the thought came to me to begin writing a memoir concerningthe family and my life. I began with fragmentary notes, since Iwas immediately held back by a lack of proper material. But I continuedto write, and that is the kernel of this present work.

The writing of memoirs for the sake of future generations, whetherfor individual readers or the general public, is an ancient practice. Onethousand three hundred years before the Common Era, Amhut I composeda poem to teach his son and heir the lessons of his life experienceand in it he describes his failures and his mistakes. And there weremany others like him in ancient times; what are Solomon’s Book ofProverbs, and the Wisdom of Solomon, and Ecclesiastes? And greatTorah scholars and rabbis have written books dealing with faith thatthey have dedicated to their sons: the Rambam, the Ramban, the Shlah,and many others.

As I began this work in earnest, a doubt crept into my heart: will I besuccessful? Is not my desire greater than my ability? After all, I have togo back over a period of more than seventy years, a period during whichtremendous changes transpired in the life of our people in general andin my life in particular, and I have no notes! How difficult it will be topenetrate the darkness of the past and to bring to life the portrait of anindividual during a period so long and so full of upheavals. The deeperI look into and penetrate the darkness of the past, the more perplexed Ibecome and the more I struggle with the question: Is it worth it? Is itworth the cost, if one can speak of cost in this matter, the cost in energy,in peace of mind, and in time, time that is so valuable to a person whohas reached old age? It seems to me that it may be more worthwhile tospend the time on Torah study and prayer. What frightens me most isthat I might fail to portray the past accurately and honestly, due to theinfluence of changing times, on one hand, and because of my own ego,which may prevent me from presenting the negative side of things. “Aperson cannot represent himself as wicked,” said our sages. I’ll attemptto overcome my evil inclination and I won’t avoid answering for mymistakes, for otherwise none of this effort is worthwhile. The “truth”will always remain the truth.

Although I began writing my memoir in 1923, I actually wrote verylittle, because already in September of that year I found office work thatwas important and very worthwhile in terms of the upbuilding of theLand of Israel. I gave this job my all and I was successful at it. It waswith an institution that provided a strong foundation and a cornerstonefor the early growth of the Yishuv. I remained in this job for twentytwo years, until 1944, when I was assailed by serious heart disease andI had to give up my work and retire on a pension. And then, after I hadgotten a little rest, I returned to this text with an inner peace and a spiritualjoy that I derived from the creation of the state, a great attainmenttoward which I had devoted the best years and greatest energies of mylife. I wrote primarily during my stay in the company of my family inthe United States during 1947.

The first two chapters are devoted to “grandparents” and “parents.”In these chapters, the details are few, for, to my sorrow, I had no informationabout them at hand, except for what I saw and heard tell, andthat is not much. I brought together what I knew in order to make astart, a source from which to begin, even if it is a rather dry source,a shaky peg on which I must hang the beginning, for it’s not really possibleto start with myself, as though I were a child without a name, ashtoki, in the terminology of the sages. Besides, I hold dear the commandment”Honor your father and mother,” and all the more so whenmy forbearers were honest, hardworking people. Legend tells us thatthe father of Rashi, the incomparable Torah commentator, was a scholarof limited ability compared to the greats of France at the time, and yetwhen Rashi began his Torah commentary with Genesis he commencedwith the words, “Thus said Rabbi Yitzhak,” who was his father.

Most of this account revolves around me, for I’m writing my memoirand not that of someone else. These are the things that interest me,that I wish to go over, and that will be of interest to those who comeafter me. These writings will describe my childhood, maturation, middleyears, and old age. Normally, old age can’t be very exciting and can’thold much interest for later generations, for these years are few, withoutmuch change or reward. Not so my older years, during which I’mworking on writing, for these are the years of the creation of the stateand the revival of the nation, the years of the ingathering of the exiles,the years of the War of Independence and of the war for survival that iscontinuing still. One who has been privileged to live during these years,to witness at close range what is happening day by day in our youngstate, is participating in her joy—a joy of creativity and building—and isfeeling her pain, the birth pangs of a new state surrounded by enemieson all sides and forced to invest her greatest energies in security, in additionto shouldering her great burden of the ingathering of the exiles,a phenomenon like none other that has ever transpired in world history.That person records his principal impressions in the form of summariesof daily events as they unfold. It is impossible that these writingswill not have the power to interest those who come after him, to knowhow he felt in his heart, the heart of one of the family, one who laid thefoundations for the family in the Land of Israel and gave his all for thisgoal. It’s just not possible. So I hope. This is a kind of “recording” forthe family, if you will, so that I will not be forgotten.

CHAPTER 2

My Father’s Family

Editor’s Introduction

As he indicates in his Apologia, Frieden begins his memoir with an accountof his parents’ family background. He starts in this way in order toset the stage for the story of his own life, but in doing so he also beginsto provide insights into some of the factors that influenced the lives of agreat many East European Jews in the nineteenth and early twentieth centuries.For example, what Frieden writes about his own family begins toillustrate the way in which nineteenth-century Jews in the Russian empirelived in a society that was largely isolated from the mainstream populationaround them. Frieden’s memoir reflects the fact that the Jews of theempire had business dealings with gentiles and interacted with Russiangovernment institutions, but that most of them, especially those livingin rural areas, sought to separate themselves from what seemed to themto be the rather unattractive social and cultural milieu of East Europeanpeasants. Jews followed their own religious and cultural traditions, theyrecognized their own social hierarchies, and they developed their owninstitutions.

This first chapter of Frieden’s memoir also makes clear the importanceof the heder, the typical early learning environment of most East EuropeanJewish boys, and it suggests some of the specific kinds of economic pursuitstaken up by East European Jewish householders. Likewise, this chapterpoints to the importance of kin connections in East European Jewishsociety and it reveals some of the discrimination East European Jews encountered.It alludes, for instance, to Russian government decrees that restrictedthe residence of Jews to certain geographic areas and that limitedthe access of Jews to higher education.

In this opening chapter, Frieden briefly follows the stories of some ofhis uncles’ families for several generations and in doing so he provides anindication of the development of a Lithuanian Jewish Diaspora in the latenineteenth and early twentieth centuries. Like some members of Frieden’sown family, many other Lithuanian Jews also moved to North America, toSouth Africa, or to the Land of Israel, as well as to other parts of the Russianempire or, later, the Soviet Union. So too, like some of Frieden’s kin,many were lost in the Shoah, the genocidal mass murder of Jews carriedout by the Nazis during World War II.

Also appearing in this first chapter are some indications of what Frieden’sown life holds in store and of the kinds of issues with which he will beconcerned in later chapters. For example, this chapter previews Frieden’sconnection with the world of Hasidism, that variety of Orthodox Judaismthat was characterized by religious fervor influenced by the mysticismof the Kabbalah and dependent upon the leadership of charismatic rabbisoften given the title rebbe. Hasidism was created in the eighteenth centuryand, in the years that followed, a number of Hasidic dynasties developed inEastern Europe, each with its own following. As this chapter reveals, manymembers of Frieden’s family were attracted to Hasidism, but they were notall devotees of the same rebbe. This first chapter also alludes to the connectionof Frieden’s family with Norfolk, Virginia, and with the Land of Israel,places that will feature prominently in Frieden’s own life story.

Finally, this chapter begins to disclose something about Frieden’s characterand psyche. We can sense his connection to family and his pride inLithuanian Jewry. And this opening chapter also begins to reveal Frieden’sgeneral approach to the writing of his memoir. For one thing, it reflects hisfondness for quoting classic Jewish sources such as the Bible and Talmud inorder to reinforce what he has to say and it contains some early examplesof the manner in which Frieden assumes a certain level of Jewish literacyon the part of those who might encounter his reminiscences, losing sight ofthe fact that the future generations for whom he was writing might not beso familiar with his references.

* * *

I DO NOT HAVE ANY KNOWLEDGE of the early generations of myfather’s family because by the time I decided to write my memoir, therewas no one left from whom to get detailed information. I only knowthat the name of my great-grandfather was Shalom and his family namewas Milner. It is likely, judging by the family name, that he was theowner of a flour mill someplace in Lithuania. The name of my grandfather,my father’s father, was Yom Tov Lipmann. It is believed that mostfamilies that use the name Yom Tov Lipmann are related to the author ofthe Tosefot Tom Tov. The name of my grandmother, my father’s mother,was Marisha. I can see both of them before my eyes. Grandfather wasa tall man with a slim, erect body, a light complexion and a long, longbeard. Grey hair crowned his head and deep brown eyes were set deepwithin his face. Whenever he was seated, his hand supported his chinor his cheek. I don’t remember ever seeing him with a smile on his face.There was always a hidden sadness crossing his troubled countenance,although I can’t imagine that there was anything specific on whichthis sadness was based. Grandmother was a small woman, plump andround, with a full, cheerful face and laughing eyes. She was always busyand full of energy and she was wonderfully good-natured. She lovedher grandchildren with all her soul. That’s what our grandmother waslike on our father’s side. They had five sons: Shalom, Avraham, Mendel,Zalman, and Chaim. They had no daughters.

At the time from which I remember them, they lived in a villagecalled Zbishok, not far from a town called Rakishok, in the Kovnoprovince of Lithuania. Their business was a small store that suppliedall kinds of things to the villagers and an inn (a kretshme in the localtongue), along the lines of what many village Jews did in those days.They could depend on making a living, but not on attaining wealth.Only a few other Jews lived in their village and in the vicinity, and onthe Sabbath and on holidays they would all gather at Grandfather’shouse to pray. A special room with a Torah scroll and some books wasset aside for this purpose; a sort of small-scale synagogue. It containeda reader’s stand, an ark, and a table for the reading of the Torah. His sonZalman was the Torah reader even when he was still a youngster.

(Continues…)
(Continues…)Excerpted from A Jewish Life on Three Continents by LEE SHAI WEISSBACH. Copyright © 2013 by Board of Trustees of the Leland Stanford Junior University. Excerpted by permission of STANFORD UNIVERSITY PRESS.
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