Jan Krause Greene lives in suburban Boston. A former high-school teacher and newspaper columnist, she uses fiction and poetry to examine life’s big questions from the perspective of characters both young and old.

I Call Myself Earth Girl

By Jan Krause Greene

John Hunt Publishing Ltd.

Copyright © 2012 Jan Krause Greene
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-78279-049-5

CHAPTER 1

Gloria Geist awoke from the dream overwhelmed by a feeling ofdread. It was that same dream again and it left her feelingvulnerable, afraid and pregnant … very pregnant.

She did not want to have a baby. Not now, not at this stage ofher life. She was 46 years old. She had a married daughter whowas expecting her first child. She had come to terms with beinga grandmother before she was ready. She didn’t think she couldcome to terms with being a pregnant grandmother. Besides, herhusband and daughter would be horrified. This couldn’t behappening, but she was pretty sure it was.

She shivered with apprehension as she finally confronted hernagging fear. She went into the downstairs bathroom, locked thedoor and peed on the pregnancy-detection stick that she hadhidden weeks ago. If her fear was confirmed, and those last fewmonths without periods were because of pregnancy, she wouldhave to tell Jared she was pregnant rather than menopausal.

Feeling faint, she stayed seated on the toilet and put her headdown between her knees. She held the stick tightly between thethumb and forefinger of her right hand. She was going to giveherself a few seconds before she looked at it again. Maybe shehad read it wrong the first time. After all, it had been years sinceshe used one of these.

As the blood began to flow back to her brain, she was able tothink more clearly. With the fingers on her left hand, shecarefully counted back the months to the last time she and Jaredmade love. Not enough fingers on one hand. This was bad, reallybad.

It didn’t add up right. She didn’t see how she could haveconceived. Jared had been gone for a month-long businesstraining right about the time she would have had to conceive ifher missed periods were an indication of when she got pregnant.This didn’t make sense. She decided to get to her gynecologist assoon as possible. She needed answers … and soon.

Her visit to the doctor left her with more questions, thananswers. If her doctor was right about how far along she was, shewould have had to conceive while her husband was out of town.This was a total impossibility. She shivered as she contemplatedwhat this could mean.

As she walked to the parking lot, she began to feel off balanceand out of it; the same way she felt after taking antihistamines.Her heart beat rapidly as she tried frantically to figure out howshe could possibly be only three months pregnant. Maybe itwould be better to walk. She headed towards Touro Park. A shortwalk around the perimeter might clear her head. What she reallyneeded was someone to talk to, but how could she share thisnews with anyone? It would be devastating if it got back to Jared.

She sat on a bench and started to cry. Before she noticed, aman in a tattered pea coat, mismatched boots and a dirty watchcap sat down beside her.

“Hey, Curly, why the tears? What does a pretty lady like youhave to cry about?”

She recognized him as soon as he started to speak. It was thehomeless man whom she saw almost every time she went to thepark. Most people thought he was crazy. She made a habit ofgreeting him and treating him with respect, even though Jaredthought he might be dangerous. One day a few years ago, whenher unruly hair was blowing into her face, he called her Curly.Ever since, that had been his name for her. They had developed afriendship of sorts, based on friendly greetings and heroccasional gifts of hot drinks, gloves, socks and much-neededtissues. She figured she was one of the only people who treatedhim like a normal human being. She went out of her way to bekind to him. He often said to her, “Don’t you worry. I’ve got yourback,” even though there was no reason to think she neededsomeone to have her back.

She wished he would leave her alone now, but knew that hewouldn’t go if he thought she was in trouble. Wiping away thetears on her cheek with the back of her hand, she looked at himintently.

“I know you can keep a secret. Right?”

“Hell yes, Curly. I can keep a secret. No one talks to me, andwhen I talk to folks they think I’m psycho. I’m your man for asecret. Just call me your secret keeper and I’ll call you my secretweeper.”

She considered his answer. Maybe he is crazy, but no one willbelieve anything he says about me.

“I’ve got a problem. I’m pregnant and …”

“Unplanned babies. Hmmmmm, there are lots of those in theworld, Curly. Look at the stars, probably as many unplannedbabies as stars in the skies. Did you know that we are made ofstars?”

“Sure. I know … lots of unplanned babies but this one can’t bemy husband’s,” she said, tears beginning to flow again.

“Oh, well that’s a different problem … Curly, I hate to tell youbut you are in some deep shit. Cheating women, ummm, ummm,ummm … lot of songs been written about them cheating women.”

“I didn’t cheat! I didn’t even have sex. I just … well … I think ithappened in a dream,” she said tentatively.

“And people think I’m crazy? That’s a good one, Curly, buteven a wacko guy like me can’t believe that one. Unless, you arethe Virgin Mary come back to life in the here and now. Youaren’t, are you?”

For an instant she considered the story about the Virgin Mary.She had never really believed this story, but for a moment sheempathized with the Virgin Mary and what she must have gonethrough before she told Joseph that she was pregnant. Shewondered when people started referring to Jesus’ mother as theVirgin Mary, and that led her to wonder ruefully how peoplewould refer to her. The Cheating Gloria? Maybe the CrazyGloria?

“Hey, Curly, don’t look so sad. Why don’t you tell me thewhole story? I’ll figure out an answer. You know that when I lookthrough a window, I always see things no one else can see,” hesaid.

“I don’t want to disappoint you, but the only reason I amtelling you any of this is because I know no one will believe youif you ever repeat it,” she said.

“Yeh, I get that. That’s for true. Go on, tell me how you gotyourself in this fix, Curly.”

“I don’t even know and I sure as hell don’t know which willbe harder, telling my daughter that I am pregnant or telling myhusband I am pregnant with a baby that is not his.”

“That one is easy, Curly. Telling your husband is gonna beharder for sure. Whoooeeee, that’s gonna be a hurtin’ time.”

“You’re no help. You don’t even believe that I didn’t cheat onJared. But l didn’t. You know the beginning of menopause doesweird things to a woman’s cycle and people have change-of-lifebabies. My periods have been kind of random lately.”

“Maybe I don’t need to know all the woman stuff details aboutthis,” he interjected.

“But, it’s important. See, if I wasn’t pregnant and my periodswere regular, I would be just about due for my third period sinceJared’s business trip. According to the doctor, I am fourteenweeks pregnant. That means I got pregnant while he was gone.But that’s impossible.”

“Sure is impossible if he’s the daddy,” he added

“We didn’t even have sex for months before he left because ofhis back sprain, and before that I got poison ivy on my legs, andthat was gross. So if I figure back to the last time we actuallymade love, I would have to be at least six months pregnant, andthe doctor says I’m definitely not.”

“Ummm, ummm, that’s a mystery.”

“God knows what he thinks about why I kept insisting that Ihad to be farther along. He probably thinks I’m having an affair.Like that would ever happen.”

“Curly, you got a world of trouble here. I got to think aboutthis before I see an answer. I’m gonna go look through thatwindow there … that one, the third one over … that’s the one. Ithink you best go home and face the music now. Get it overwith.”

As he walked away, Gloria considered her options. Maybe sheshould stop for a cup of coffee before going home. She justcouldn’t walk back into her house, knowing she was pregnantand that she literally did not know how she had conceived. Itmade no sense to her. Worse than that, it scared the bejeezus outof her. As she ordered a large latte, she pushed the hair off herforehead. Her temples were covered with sweat and her thick,curly hair was beginning to clump in moist bunches.

She had so much to figure out, so many questions she neededto answer. The list made her head throb. She really wanted to callher best friend Sheila, but Sheila was also her sister-in-law. Shejust couldn’t take the chance that Sheila would tell Jared’sbrother. She sipped her latte tentatively, wondering if it was stillokay to drink coffee. She hoped it was because giving up coffeewould be even harder than giving up alcohol.

Alcohol. Oh my God, how much wine have I had in the last threemonths? She needed to get a grip. Most of all, she needed tofigure out how to break this news to Jared. How could she tellher husband she was pregnant and the baby was not his, but notto be upset? How could she make him understand that she hadnot had sex with anyone, and yet she was pregnant? It made nosense to her. How could she expect him to believe it?

Would telling Melanie be any easier than telling Jared?Probably not. No matter how the baby was conceived, Melaniewould not be happy to hear that she was going to have a siblingthe same age as her own child. No point thinking they mightgrow closer because they were pregnant together. No way.Melanie would be at best incredulous and at worst very hurt andangry.

The more she contemplated telling her husband and daughter,the more convinced she became that there was no upside totelling them. She was in an impossible situation that madeabsolutely no sense to her. If she was having trouble believing it,how could she expect Jared and Melanie to believe it?

Despite her worries about how Jared and Melanie wouldreact, the question that caused her the most distress would surelybe the hardest to answer. Does this pregnancy really have somethingto do with that dream? Could I possibly be the girl in the dream?

For the past few months, Gloria had been plagued by arecurring nightmare; a nightmare so real and so graphic that shehad begun to wonder if she had tapped into a past life. Each timeshe had the dream she felt more connected to it. But therealization that she was actually pregnant with a baby that couldnot be Jared’s shocked her into believing that she was truly linkedin some mysterious way to the girl in the dream.

Every time she woke up from this nightmare, about a younggirl who was raped, she felt an intense desire to help her. Butnow, with her inexplicable pregnancy confirmed, she felt trappedand afraid.

The dream was always exactly the same. It was a narrativetold by a young pregnant girl in a hospital. The girl always beganthe story by referring to her celestial life, but the story was abouther earthly life. The dream always ended with the girl in ahospital bed, being told by a nurse, that she was pregnant. Everytime Gloria had this nightmare, she woke up just as the girl waslearning that she was pregnant. Each time she woke, shewondered if she felt a stirring inside her womb.

She had this same dream so many times during the past threemonths that she could recite it from memory. Now, as she sat bentover a half-empty cup of coffee, she reviewed the dream yetagain.

CHAPTER 2

I call myself Earth Girl because I chose to live on earth, even thoughmy celestial life was one of peace and beauty. I didn’t know what toexpect when I came back to life on earth, but it surely wasn’t this.After all those years drifting in the world of light and air, I wanted asense of place. I wanted to be anchored to a body that lived in a certainplace and a certain time. I didn’t realize when I volunteered to go backthat I should have chosen the place and the time. I imagined the earthwould be as it appears from the heavens, a place of bright beauty andabundant energy. But, the earth I returned to is a dying land, wheregreen and blue have been replaced by brown and grey; where life itselfseems to be painful and difficult; where cruelty is part of survival andonly the fittest survive. Yet, once I took my earthly body, this desolateland became home, and as all human beings do, I became attached toit and I wanted to stay.

I hardly remember the first years of my earthly life before the awfulthings started to happen. I know I lived with my mother and fatherand little brother. I think we were happy, but I don’t really remembermuch about our life before the terror began. Why is it that I can’tremember the peaceful times? Sometimes I wonder if there ever reallywere good times, or if I just hope that there were. I remember hiding,running and looking for someone to protect me. And I remember whenthe woman found me. I was afraid of her at first, but she gave me food.I would have done anything for food back then. Even risk dying. Mywill to live was so strong that it made food the most important thing,the only thing, the one thought that compelled every choice. So eventhough I knew she might kill me eventually, I went to her readily whenshe offered me food.

Of course, I didn’t plan to stay with her for long; just long enoughto eat and sleep and think about what I should do. When she told meshe would protect me from everyone, I didn’t really trust her, but Iknew I needed her. The first night that I slept next to her, I was drawnto the warmth of her body. I had been so cold, so hungry, so frightened,and now I was warm and full. I didn’t even care if I was safe. Thatnight was the first time I dreamt of the girl with the golden eyes. Shewas holding me and crying.

“I have chosen you,” she said.

Then her face turned into a pool of water and her eyes floated on thewater. They looked like golden balls of light. I reached for them, but nomatter how close I came to them, I could never quite pick them up.When I woke that morning, I tried to remember every detail of thedream.

That same morning, I asked the woman who had rescued me whather name was. She said it would be safer for both of us if I didn’t knowher name. She told me to call her “my friend” if anyone ever askedabout her. From then on, the name I used for her was My Friend.

Back then, I didn’t remember my celestial life. I had lost myconnection to it. But every once in awhile , when I looked into the sky,I felt as if I had once known how to fly. When I told My Friend that Ithought I had once flown, she said, “Everyone wishes to be a bird whenthey look at the sky, but birds never wish to be humans when they lookat the ground.”

I had also forgotten my previous life on earth. It took a long timefor me to remember that I had been here before. Sometimes I wouldhave a glimmer of recognition. I would feel a strong connection tosomeone or some experience, but then it would pass out of the reach ofmy conscious mind. Even if I wanted to bring it back I was unable to.It was just beyond my grasp. It made me feel a longing to connect tosomething, or someone, but I could never figure out what, or who. Itleft me feeling empty, yet yearning. It made me believe, deep in the partof me that has feelings with no words to express them, that I am partof something. But, that was all before the things happened that mademe realize I had lived on earth before. So, when I met My Friend I didnot really understand who she was. Nor did I really understand who Iwas. It seemed the only clear memory I had was of the horrible thingsthat happened to my family when the war started.

My life with her settled into a simple routine. I began to feel safe.Too safe, in fact. I began to feel so secure that I became careless aboutfollowing her rules. Each night she would leave me for a few hours. Ididn’t know where she went, but she always came back with food.Sometimes, I was sure she had found it in a garbage pile, but I didn’tcare. During those first weeks with her, eating and being protectedwere my only concerns. She didn’t ask much of me … just that I makeno noise and use no light while she was gone. Not that we had muchlight; just the flashlights that she found.

In the beginning, I was so afraid that I wrapped myself in hertattered blanket and lay perfectly still until I fell asleep. I would eventry to breathe so shallowly that no one could detect my breath if theycame upon our hiding place. It took many days for me to memorize theexact sound of her footsteps so that I knew it was she approaching.Until I was sure, my heart would begin to race with fear and I wouldbegin to shake. I was so afraid of being raped and beaten again. I hadwatched my mother die after she tried to protect me from them.
(Continues…)Excerpted from I Call Myself Earth Girl by Jan Krause Greene. Copyright © 2012 Jan Krause Greene. Excerpted by permission of John Hunt Publishing Ltd..
All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Excerpts are provided by Dial-A-Book Inc. solely for the personal use of visitors to this web site.