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Healing Your Grieving Heart When Someone You Care about Has Alzheimer's: 100 Practical Ideas for Families, Friends, and Caregivers
Author(s): Alan D. Wolfelt (Author), Kirby J MD Duvall (Author)
- Publisher: Companion press
- Publication Date: 1 Nov. 2011
- Language: English
- Print length: 128 pages
- ISBN-10: 9781617221484
- ISBN-13: 9781617221484
Book Description
Navigating the challenging journey that families and friends of Alzheimer’s patients must endure, this heartfelt guide reveals how their struggle is as complex and drawn out as the illness itself. Confronting their natural but difficult process of grieving and mourning, the study covers the inevitable feelings of shock, sadness, anger, guilt, and relief, illustrating the initial reactions people commonly feel from the moment of the dementia’s onset. Healthy and productive ways to acknowledge and express these feelings are suggested along with 100 tips and activities that fulfill the emotional, spiritual, cognitive, physical, and social needs of those who care about someone afflicted with this debilitating disease. Special consideration is also shown for caregivers, whose grief is often complicated by the demanding physical attention that patients require.
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Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
Healing Your Grieving Heart When Someone You Care About Has Alzheimer's
100 Practical Ideas for Families, Friends and Caregivers
By Alan D. Wolfelt, Kirby J. Duvall
Center for Loss and Life Transition
Copyright © 2011 Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D. and Kirby J. Duvall, M.D.
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-61722-148-4
Contents
Also by Alan Wolfelt and Kirby Duvall:,
Title Page,
Copyright Page,
Dedication,
INTRODUCTION,
ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR NEW REALITY,
1. - GENTLY EMBRACE THE REALITY THAT YOUR LOVED ONE HAS DEMENTIA OR ALZHEIMER'S,
2. - RECOGNIZE THE DIAGNOSIS AS A LOSS,
3. - UNDERSTAND GRIEF AS A PART OF LOSS,
4. - KNOW THE COMMON SYMPTOMS OF GRIEF,
5. - RECOGNIZE FEELINGS OF SHOCK, NUMBNESS, AND DISBELIEF,
6. - BE IN TOUCH WITH YOUR BODY,
7. - BE GENTLE WITH YOURSELF AS YOU EXPERIENCE THE REPEATED LOSSES OF ALZHEIMER'S,
8. - RECOGNIZE THE UNCERTAINTY IN YOUR LOSSES,
9. - RESPOND TO FEELINGS OF HELPLESSNESS,
10. - ASK FOR HELP,
11. - WATCH OUT FOR DEPRESSION,
12. - BE AWARE OF APATHY AND NUMBNESS,
13. - BE KIND TO YOURSELF,
14. - KEEP IT SIMPLE,
15. - UNDERSTAND THAT THE PERSON WITH DEMENTIA ISN'T "CRAZY",
16. - RECOGNIZE YOU'RE NOT CRAZY, EITHER,
17. - HELP DISPEL OTHER MISCONCEPTIONS ABOUT ALZHEIMER'S,
18. - TURN THE PAGE ON YOUR CALENDAR,
19. - EMBRACE YOUR UNIQUE STORY,
20. - GET YOUR GRIEF OUT,
21. - RECOGNIZE THAT YOUR FEELINGS ARE IMPORTANT,
22. - NAME YOUR FEELINGS,
23. - LEAN INTO YOUR GRIEF,
24. - BREAK DOWN ISOLATION,
25. - ACKNOWLEDGE THAT MOURNING CAN BE COMPLICATED IN ALZHEIMER'S,
26. - FEEL YOUR PAIN, BUT IN DOSES,
27. - GET ENOUGH SLEEP,
28. - QUIET YOUR MIND,
29. - CREATE ROOM FOR HOPE,
30. - LET YOUR TEARS FLOW,
31. - EXPRESS ANGER IN HEALTHY WAYS,
32. - MAKE PEACE WITH GUILT,
33. - CONFRONT YOUR FEARS,
34. - DEVELOP A NEW SELF-IDENTITY,
35. - MAKE FRIENDS WITH FEELINGS OF RELIEF,
36. - FIND PEOPLE WHO GIVE ENCOURAGEMENT,
37. - ASK WHY,
38. - REMEMBER THE GOOD TIMES,
39. - KEEP A JOURNAL,
40. - LET WATER REFRESH YOUR SOUL,
41. - BE ARTFUL IN GRIEF,
42. - MAKE USE OF RITUAL,
43. - SEEK THE SPIRITUAL,
44. - CREATE A SANCTUARY,
45. - RETREAT TO STILLNESS,
46. - EMBRACE THE LIGHT OF NATURE,
47. - MOURN AT YOUR CROSSROADS,
48. - JOIN YOUR LOVED ONE,
49. - MEET HER WHERE SHE IS,
50. - TRY TO UNDERSTAND WHAT ALZHEIMER'S MIGHT FEEL LIKE,
51. - GET INTO THE WORLD OF THE SENSES,
52. - RELY ON BODY LANGUAGE,
53. - FIND A GOOD PLACE TO TALK,
54. - VALIDATE FEELINGS,
55. - FIND WAYS TO EMPOWER,
56. - STAY CLOSE,
57. - UNDERSTAND WHY PEOPLE WITH ALZHEIMER'S DO WHAT THEY DO,
58. - UNDERSTAND BEING LOST IN TIME,
59. - CREATE A PEACEFUL ENVIRONMENT,
60. - KEEP A ONE-DAY-AT-A-TIME CALENDAR,
61. - PRACTICE PATIENCE-WITH YOUR LOVED ONE AND YOURSELF,
62. - DEAR FAMILY, GET IT TOGETHER,
63. - IF YOU ARE A CAREGIVER, GO WITH THE FLOW,
64. - FOCUS ON WHAT REMAINS,
65. - LOOK FOR SPARKS OF THE TRUE PERSON WHILE ACKNOWLEDGING THE LOSS,
66. - LEARN TO PLAY AGAIN,
67. - GET RESPITE,
68. - RECORD MEMORIES, WHILE YOU STILL CAN,
69. - PREPARE FOR THE SEVERE STAGE,
70. - RECOGNIZE THAT RESPECT AND LOVE ENDURE,
71. - KEEP YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR,
72. - HEAD TOWARDS A NEW NORMAL,
73. - PRACTICE A TRANSFORMATIONAL COPING STYLE,
74. - ADVOCATE,
75. - FINISH SOMETHING, AS A GIFT,
76. - TAKE A RISK,
77. - DISCOVER YOUR CALLING,
78. - LEARN TO MEDITATE,
79. - SPEND TIME WITH A PET,
80. - KNOW THAT YOU ARE LOVED,
81. - ALLOW GOD TO SPEAK TO YOU,
82. - BEAUTIFY YOUR ENVIRONMENT,
83. - LIVE WITH PURPOSE,
84. - BEFRIEND EIGHT UNIVERSAL HEALING PRINCIPLES,
85. - REDEFINE SUCCESS,
86. - DO WHAT YOU LOVE,
87. - PAY ATTENTION TO SYNCHRONICITIES,
88. - SHOW YOUR TRUE GRIT,
89. - RE-EXAMINE YOUR PRIORITIES,
90. - EXERCISE YOUR BRAIN,
91. - ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR CLOUD OF WITNESSES,
92. - REACH OUT AND TOUCH,
93. - LOOK FOR THE SURPRISES AND GIFTS IN YOUR DAY,
94. - ADD MEANING TO YOUR DAYS,
95. - KEEP HOPE IN YOUR HEART,
96. - RECOGNIZE THE DUAL ASPECT OF CHANGE,
97. - FORGIVE,
98. - IMAGINE THE PERSON WITH ALZHEIMER'S IN HEAVEN,
99. - LIVE WITH GRATITUDE AND COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS,
100. - REMEMBER THAT LOVE LIVES ON,
A FINAL WORD,
SEND US YOUR IDEAS FOR HEALING GRIEF CAUSED BY ALZHEIMER'S,
ALSO BY DR. ALAN WOLFELT AND DR. KIRBY DUVALL,
CHAPTER 1
1.
GENTLY EMBRACE THE REALITY THAT YOUR LOVED ONE HAS DEMENTIA OR ALZHEIMER'S
For anyone experiencing the onset of dementia — the person affected as well as those who care about him — there is often an instinctual need to push away your new reality. You may be reluctant to consider Alzheimer's or even use the "A-word."
Usually the onset of this disease is very subtle. Often only in retrospect do family members put the pieces together and recognize the disease's early symptoms.
Your loved one may have experienced a string of tests trying to find something else that would account for her behavior changes. Since Alzheimer's disease is a clinical diagnosis with no one definitive test, it may have been difficult to reach this conclusion, with several doctors involved.
You and your loved one may be understandably fearful to look into your shared future. You may not be able to accept this new reality all at once. But slowly, a little at a time, and as difficult as it is, you must mourn the loss of the future you expected and instead gently embrace your new reality. The first step in responding to this disease is acknowledging its day-to-day reality.
CARPE DIEM
Review the steps that have been taken to diagnose your loved one with Alzheimer's disease or dementia. Are you satisfied that this is the correct diagnosis? Reviewing the diagnosis one more time with the primary physician may help you begin to accept it. Getting another specialist's medical opinion may be needed for this acceptance to begin.
2.
RECOGNIZE THE DIAGNOSIS AS A LOSS
Someone you love has been diagnosed with dementia or Alzheimer's disease. This may feel overwhelming, both to you and to the person you love. You are both likely fearful of what the future holds.
Your loved one has probably already had some memory problems, grown more easily confused, and even gotten lost in familiar places. You may have noticed personality changes, frustration in doing simple tasks, and obsessive worry or repetitive questions or actions.
These losses are a result of a brain disease that first strikes the memory center then progresses to other parts of the brain, resulting in increasingly diminished cognitive ability.
As the person you love experiences each new loss, you also have a corresponding loss. You lose a part of the person you loved and a part of the relationship you had. You may progressively lose your personal closeness, the understanding you had between you, and even the activities and human interactions you enjoyed together.
Even though your loved one is still alive, you are already beginning to feel the loss.
CARPE DIEM
Make a list of the losses, big and small,...
