Alan D. Wolfelt, PhD, is an internationally known teacher, a grief counselor, and the author of The Journey Through Grief and The Understanding Your Grief Journal. He is director of the Center for Loss and Life Transition and faculty member at the University of Colorado Medical School&;s department of family medicine. He is the &;Children and Grief&; columnist for Bereavement magazine and has appeared on The Oprah Winfrey Show, Larry King Live, and NBC&;s Today. He lives in Fort Collins, Colorado.

Healing Your Grieving Heart for Kids

100 Practical Ideas

By Alan D. Wolfelt

Center for Loss and Life Transition

Copyright © 2001 Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D.
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-879651-27-2

Contents

Also by Alan Wolfelt:,
Title Page,
Copyright Page,
Dedication,
A NOTE TO PARENTS AND OTHER LOVING GROWN-UPS,
Introduction,
1. - Learn that grief and mourning are different.,
2. - Take it easy on yourself.,
3. - UNDERSTAND THE SIX NEEDS OF MOURNING Need 1. Accept the death.,
4. - UNDERSTAND THE SIX NEEDS OF MOURNING Need 2. Let yourself feel sad.,
5. - UNDERSTAND THE SIX NEEDS OF MOURNING Need 3. Remember the person who died.,
6. - UNDERSTAND THE SIX NEEDS OF MOURNING Need 4. Accept that your life is different now.,
7. - UNDERSTAND THE SIX NEEDS OF MOURNING Need 5. Think about why this happened.,
8. - UNDERSTAND THE SIX NEEDS OF MOURNING Need 6. Let others help you, now and always.,
9. - Let yourself feel numb.,
10. - Let yourself feel whatever you feel.,
11. - Talk to a grown-up you trust.,
12. - Talk to a friend.,
13. - Talk about the person who died.,
14. - Cry.,
15. - Watch the sunrise.,
16. - Get lots of sleep.,
17. - Eat foods that are good for you.,
18. - Drink lots of water.,
19. - Play outside.,
20. - Find a "grief hide-out.",
21. - Don't be alone too much.,
22. - Let yourself feel happy.,
23. - Play with a pet.,
24. - Go to church or your familys place of worship.,
25. - Keep a journal.,
26. - Draw out your feelings.,
27. - Dance.,
28. - Play sports.,
29. - Play games.,
30. - Write a letter to the person who died.,
31. - Make a memory book.,
32. - Pack a memory box.,
33. - Hold onto something that belonged to the person who died.,
34. - Plant a garden.,
35. - Tell your friends and family that you love them.,
36. - Hug.,
37. - Hold hands.,
38. - Clean your room.,
39. - Pray.,
40. - Be silly.,
41. - Laugh.,
42. - Put up pictures of the person who died.,
43. - If you're having trouble with your schoolwork, talk to a grown-up about it.,
44. - Join a grief support group for kids.,
45. - Talk to other kids who are grieving.,
46. - Talk to a counselor.,
47. - Do something youre good at.,
48. - Do something you're not so good at.,
49. - Eat something weird.,
50. - Don't be scared by "grief bursts.",
51. - Look for your grief on special days.,
52. - Do something that the person who died would have liked.,
53. - Listen to music.,
54. - Visit the cemetery.,
55. - Don't think you have to be strong.,
56. - If you're feeling extra sad, talk to someone.,
57. - Never do something that might hurt you or others.,
58. - Write a poem.,
59. - List the things that are still good about your life.,
60. - Know that people love you.,
61. - Appreciate yourself.,
62. - Play out your grief.,
63. - Join a club.,
64. - Don't let anyone take away your grief.,
65. - If you are a boy, think about this:,
66. - If you are a girl, think about this:,
67. - Make a wish.,
68. - Do something nice for someone else.,
69. - Help your family mourn.,
70. - Make music.,
71. - Have a sleep-over.,
72. - Write a story.,
73. - Hang out with people who make you feel good and safe.,
74. - Don't let other kids get to you.,
75. - Learn something new.,
76. - If you're feeling mad, do this:,
77. - If you're feeling afraid, do this:,
78. - If you're feeling guilty, do this:,
79. - If you're feeling relieved, do this:,
80. - If you've been behaving badly, do this:,
81. - Be a big baby.,
82. - Read a book.,
83. - Don't watch too much TV.,
84. - Talk to your teacher.,
85. - Talk to your grandparents.,
86. - Talk to your brother or sister.,
87. - Think of all the people you love.,
88. - Dress up like someone else.,
89. - Know that your grief is special.,
90. - If your body hurts, tell a grown-up.,
91. - Sing.,
92. - Be you.,
93. - Start a business.,
94. - Give a gift.,
95. - Be a friend to someone else whos grieving this death.,
96. - Smile.,
97. - Look at the sky.,
98. - Understand that your grief will last a long time.,
99. - Believe that you will, one day, learn to "reconcile" your grief.,
100. - Dream about your future.,
My Grief Rights,
A Final Word,
Glossary of Terms,
ALSO BY ALAN D. WOLFELT,

CHAPTER 1

Learn that grief and mourning are different.

Grief (rhymes with leaf) is what you think and feel inside when someone you love dies. When you're in grief, you're grieving (rhymes with leaving).

Mourning (pronounced the same as morning) means letting those thoughts and feelings come out somehow.

You need to mourn so you can start to feel better. If you keep everything inside you'll only feel worse.

Write or draw your feelings about this:

2.

Take it easy on yourself.

The death of someone you love is probably the hardest thing you'll ever have to deal with. Go easy on yourself. This is going to take time.

Write or draw your feelings about this:

3.

UNDERSTAND THE SIX NEEDS OF MOURNING

Need 1. Accept the death.

Someone you love is dead and can never come back. That's a tough thing to accept, but it's true.

Some days you may not want to think about the death. You may even want to pretend it never happened. That's OK, especially at first.

But soon you need to accept that this person really has died. Accepting the death is the first step toward feeling better.

Write or draw your feelings about this:

4.

UNDERSTAND THE SIX NEEDS OF MOURNING

Need 2. Let yourself feel sad.

Feeling sad is no fun. But you need to feel sad right now. Something really sad has happened in your life.

You don't have to feel sad every minute, though. You still need to laugh and play and be a kid. Let yourself feel happy, too.

Write or draw your feelings about this:

5.

UNDERSTAND THE SIX NEEDS OF MOURNING

Need 3. Remember the person who died.

It's good to remember the person who died. Even though he or she can't be with you anymore, you'll always have your memories.

Talk about the person who died. Use his or her name. Look at pictures of him or her. Remember the fun times you had together.

Write or draw your feelings about this:

6.

UNDERSTAND THE SIX NEEDS OF MOURNING

Need 4. Accept that your life is different now.

Your life is different now, isn't it? Think about how it's different.

Maybe your family has changed. Have you changed, too?

Your life will never be exactly the same again. But that doesn't mean it won't be happy again — just different.

Write or draw your feelings about this:

7.

UNDERSTAND THE SIX NEEDS OF MOURNING

Need 5. Think about why this happened.

Why do people die? What happens to people after they die? You're probably asking yourself these kinds of questions.

It's good to think about the "whys" of life and death. Maybe you can talk about the "whys" with a parent or another adult you trust.

Write or draw...