All My Dead Cats and Other Losses: Practicing Good Grief in a Culture That Fears Mourning

Like death, grief and mourning is part of the lived human experience. There are no rules or timelines on grieving despite American society dictating one ‘right’ way to grieve and punishing those who fail. Grief and mourning bring about BIG FEELINGS, feelings we often consider private but it doesn’t have to be that way. All My Dead Cats looks at the many types of grief, social responses to it, and how we can create and support collective ways of grieving. This book stands out among a sea of books in this genre. Insightful, tender, and compassionate. A must read for everyone since we are all touched by grief. – Alice Wong, author of YEAR OF THE TIGER: AN ACTIVIST’S LIFE

Lives cannot be lived fully in happiness. Rather, life must be lived fully by traversing the spectrum of it all, from love to loss. In their debut book, smith advocates for this and more. Each chapter centers on one of smith’s former cats, then discusses a facet of grief (such as inevitability) or a topic surrounding it, like euthanasia. Throughout, smith makes a strong argument: grief is something that must be felt, both individually and collectively, when it comes knocking. The author’s experience as a journalist and essayist shows in the way they make space for all voices to be heard, even if it means making others uncomfortable. Sharing their own experiences of enduring love and grief for their passed-on companions, smith also provides a buoy for readers to hold onto. Both a grief book that doesn’t read like a clinician’s notes and a memoir wrapped around a bigger subject, All My Dead Cats takes grief from the taboo to the universal. – Caitlin Cundiff, Booklist

All My Dead Cats is the book we desperately need—one that moves beyond platitudes and stages to face the raw, complicated, and transformative truth of grief. With clarity and compassion, smith helps us name what we’re so often told to hide: that mourning is not a problem to fix or something to get over, but a vital part of living. – Sarah Chavez, Executive Director, The Order Of the Good Death

Grief is complicated, no matter who is navigating it, but in an individualist, capitalist society like the one we reside in, grief is even more layered. But, as s.e. smith brilliantly explores in this must-read book, grief is a collective endeavor that requires us to understand the complexities of death, name our grief, and live alongside our grief rather than attempting to shun it. If you have been trying and failing to grieve or watched others trying and failing to grieve, then All My Dead Cats—and all the wisdom it provides—is the book to have on your shelf and pass along to those who are in the throes of loving and losing. – Evette Dionne, award-winning author of LIFTING AS WE CLIMB and WEIGHTLESS

I’ve been looking for a book like this for some time–something that not only explores death and dying, and grief and mourning, but also one that opens up the questions whose answers too often go assumed and unasked: Who is worth mourning? Are there other ways of grieving?

Smith’s approach is intellectually curious and generous, and All My Dead Cats is a worthwhile read for both those actively grieving and those interested in how to think about death, dying, and–perhaps most importantly–how to live fully. – Colin Dickey, author of GHOSTLAND: AN AMERICAN HISTORY IN HAUNTED PLACES

Beautifully grounded in personal and social experiences offering a broad yet intimate exploration of grief tethered to the tiny creatures we share our lives with. – Cat Dorman and Steff Boulton, cofounders, DEAD PET GIRLS

S.e. smith is a wise and unfailingly generous companion as they welcome us into a compassionate call to reframe our culture of grieving. All My Dead Cats transforms the isolating unknowns of loss and mortality into something embodied, communal, ethical, and ultimately joyful. Reading this book made me feel less alone. – Tajja Isen, author of SOME OF MY BEST FRIENDS

s.e. smith is a National Magazine Award-winning journalist and cultural critic whose work has appeared in Esquire, The Guardian, Rolling Stone, Bitch Magazine, and numerous other publications in addition to anthologies such as Body Language and Disability Intimacy. Smith is also a cofounder of The Flytrap, a worker-owned feminist media collective.