A Circle of Light

Transform Grief into a Unique Opportunity for Guidance

By Adele Vincent

John Hunt Publishing Ltd.

Copyright © 2012 Adele Vincent
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 978-1-78099-768-1

Contents

Acknowledgments……………………………………………………viiiDear Readers………………………………………………………xAuthor Notes………………………………………………………1Preface: The Energy Cycle of Life and Death and The Cycle of Grief………2Step 1: Learn to Love: The Spiritual Checklist………………………..11Step 2: Pay Attention to Coincidences: Techniques to Cleanse Thoughts……18Step 3: Recognize and Interpret Signs: Common Signs Loved Ones Use………29Step 4: Accept Loss: How Loss Can Positively Affect Our Lives…………..40Step 5: Document Your Journey: Useful Tools…………………………..46Step 6: Don’t Lose Faith—Ask for Guidance: Breakthrough Grief…………..53Step 7: Be Skeptical, But Don’t Let Fear Get the Best of You: Counteract
Doubt…………………………………………………………….60Step 8: The Three ‘A’s: Attend, Attune and Attain: Achieve Spiritual
Goals…………………………………………………………….69Step 9: Don’t Give Up—It’s Never Too Late: Techniques to Encourage
Healing…………………………………………………………..76Step 10: Trust Your Intuition: Exercises to Increase Intuition………….82Step 11: Practice Appreciation: The Importance of Mindfulness in Our
Lives…………………………………………………………….92The End of a Journey: Finding Purpose………………………………..99Conclusion………………………………………………………..114Reflections……………………………………………………….120About the Author…………………………………………………..124

CHAPTER 1

Step 1

Learn to Love: The Spiritual Checklist

This is a step I’ve been working on my whole life. It is the first and mostimportant step to turning grief into guidance. I can’t count the numberof times I’ve made a promise to be more loving, only to break it in theheat of the moment with family and friends. Losing a loved one representsa special opportunity to learn to love, not only those around us,but more importantly ourselves.

Today, you begin a journey to understand grief and the importanceof guidance in our lives. It might be a familiar journey thatyou embarked on several times, but feel you haven’t quite’arrived’ yet. You wonder why you continue to suffer, if thereisn’t some important lesson to be learned in the experience ofloss. It may be a journey that is very new and strange to you.Whatever your reasons for reading this book, know you are notalone. You are loved by many. Step by step, you will learn toreturn this love: both visible and invisible. There will be plentyof signs and encouragement along the way. The trick is to payattention.

Like every good journey we embark on, preparation goes along way. Here’s your personal checklist.

The Spiritual Checklist for Learning to Love

[check] An Inquisitive Mind:

Throw out the rulebook. Admit you know nothing. It may behard to understand at this moment, as you may be a very cultivatedperson of impressive status, but accept that everything youknow is but a mere fraction of the collective knowledge thatexists in the universe.

[check] A Loving Heart:

Open your heart. Learning to love isn’t just about learning to loveothers. It also means loving oneself and life, and appreciating theinterconnectedness of everything we experience. People oftenthink of love in compartmentalized terms. We tend to favorcertain kinds of love, relishing the early days of a new love affairor the undivided attention of a good friend. These are the kindsof relationships we find easiest to initiate, but what about theunrelenting relative who we can never seem to come to anagreement with or the beggar on the street corner?

[check] Be Willing to Ask the Difficult Questions:

‘How do I behave in these situations?’We are all guilty of turninga blind eye. Many of us feel frustration when we encounterpeople who are radically different from us. We are incensedwhen someone expresses an extreme view that doesn’t tally withour own view. This isn’t a lecture. It’s a lifelong lesson which wenever stop learning.

[check] A Journal:

Take a good look in the mirror. Don’t be afraid to meet your owngaze. Be honest, really honest. What do you see? Do you see fear,anger and silence? Maybe you see nothing. That’s okay. Take ajournal and write your observations daily.

The Journey

Learning to love is about levels of awareness. When you becomeaware of your behavior, you can change it. We often think ofourselves as loving and open people. However, if we make anhonest assessment of our lives, we see there are areas whichcould be improved or relationships which could be enriched.Self-awareness is something we learn by facing the most difficulttasks in our life, like confronting loss. I learned to truly love whenI lost my mother unexpectedly after my 22nd birthday. I realizedI had spent my life escaping difficult situations because Ibelieved I wasn’t strong enough.

Every person is different. It took a great loss for me to understandhow to love the important people in my life and reconnectwith my spirituality. The reasons we choose to reconnect withour spirituality are ours alone. What remains indisputable is ourshared need for spirituality. Learning to love is about submittingoneself to an experience like grief and its greatest gift: healing.

Even if your loved one experienced a tragic or untimelydeath, know that death is simply a process of transformation.There is perspective to be gained from every loss. I speak withauthority on this issue, having lost my brother when he was just2 months old, my mother when I was barely into my twentiesand my aunt at 15. My brother’s death was one of the most transformativeexperiences because it taught my family to love indifferent ways, strengthening our family ties.

How I Began My Journey

The person who embodied love and faith best was my mother.She was a believer in all things spiritual: the redemptive powerof love, fate, God and the importance of exercising personal will.She had an unquestioning faith, the kind that permeated everyinch of her face, resonating in her startling blue-green eyes.People were afraid of her. I think more often than not they wereafraid of the intensity of her beliefs and the fierceness with whichshe defended her views.

In a society where people were reluctant to speak of theirviews of the afterlife, she was something of a trailblazer,befriending Raymond Moody, author of the bestselling book, Lifeafter Life. They often discussed their ideas about life after death.I think these discussions framed her opinions on the possibilityof communication. However, her spirituality was deeply rooted.It was something she inherited from a long line of churchgoing,corset-wearing women.

Mom’s passing on Thanksgiving Day 2007 represented aturning point in my life. It taught me to slow down and appreciatethe small things in life. We live our lives in such a madpanic. When is the last time you called a loved one to tell themjust how much they really mean to you? I wish I had done thismore when Mom was alive. It’s so easy to get distracted andforget to spend quality time with the people who really count. It’snever too late. You may think because you lost someone, they areno longer part of your life. This is not true. The people we lovewill always be a part of our lives. The memories and lessons theytaught us continue to live on with us, helping us heal and growas people.

The Importance of Angels in Our Lives

Most people believe in angels or spirit guides because they feelthey were helped at some crucial moment in their lives. I use theterm ‘angels’ to describe the elevated spiritual beings thatsurround and protect us. These divine beings assist us inrealizing and fulfilling our greater purpose. Each of us hasseveral angels guiding us through our journey. Do not hesitate tocall upon them in times of need or doubt. This is their divinepurpose.

How Angels Assist Us in Learning to Love

Angels are the embodiment of love and compassion. They canhelp us access our deepest fears and darkest beliefs, working tochange the way we think about the world and our place in it.When miracles happen, an angel is usually close by, ensuring thatan outcome is positively realized. However, an angel cannotshape fate or free will. These are two factors which are not opento influence. Angelic beings will guide you, but they will notmake important decisions for you. Our lessons are ours alone tolearn.

This is why those of us who struggle to love find it difficult toinvite angels into our lives. We often find ourselves caught in avicious circle. We struggle to love and in that struggle we findlittle room to heal and grow. The loss of a loved one sends usspiraling further down. Fortunately, angels can help us changeour patterns of behavior and transform grief into guidance.However, the griever must become more aware of the presenceof angels in his life before he can work with them to truly heal.

People often wonder why they have never had an angelicencounter. The answer is simple. You haven’t invited the angelsinto your life! If you do not give them permission to work withyou, they will stay behind the scenes. The more you invite theminto your life, the more they are able to help. It is very much agive-and-take relationship. Some angels or spirit guides grow byhelping people on earth. So remember you aren’t the only one ona journey to become more aware of your purpose; angels havemissions too!

How You Welcome an Angel into Your Life

• Research

Do some homework on the subject of angels. There are manysaints and archangels to call upon for help and healing. The moreyou read, the more informed you will become. Knowledge ispower. As a consequence, your mind will be less blocked andmore open to their presence. I like to call on Archangel Michaelor Mother Mary, but I also like reading about the life of SaintFrancis of Assisi. It is a highly personal preference which isn’tdependent on religious ties.

* A note on researching

You aren’t restricted to saints or angels; you can also call upon famouspeople in history. They might not always arrive to help (sprits do notalways dedicate their lives to others) but it is worth trying if you arefinding it difficult to connect with an angel. I love Saint Francis ofAssisi because of his connection with animals and his chosen life ofpoverty. We share a love of animals. This connection helps me tune into his presence.

• Pray

It’s the most simple of techniques, but it works wonders. A prayeris a silent meditation of intent. The more we ask for help, themore intention we have of receiving that help when it appears inour lives.

* A note on praying

If you are struggling with the grieving process, please remember to praynightly. It is important you focus on intention, because feelings canmanifest in our physical lives. If you are feeling ill or poorly, you willsoon find yourself down physically. Prayers can help control ourwaking thoughts and welcome angels into our lives to help heal anduplift us. I often pray to Archangel Michael when I am feeling tired orstressed. I always wake up feeling refreshed and positive the nextmorning.

• Visualize

Visualizing angels is never an easy task. Even some of thegreatest artists of history struggled to conceive how angels look.I have a ceramic painting of Saint Francis that I like to look at inthe kitchen. It sounds silly, but taking a few seconds out of mybusy day to look at the image helps me to relax and refocus myenergies.

* A note on visualizing angels

Visiting a religious place, museum or website where you can findpictures of inspirational spiritual figures might also help you relax andrefocus throughout the day.

• Other Techniques

You can also say mantras throughout the day like, ‘Angels, Iwelcome you into my life.’ If you want to increase the potency ofa mantra, leave your bedroom door or office door open. You caneven leave notes on your desk, reminding the angels that youinvited them into your life. Angels have a sense of humor andwill appreciate your invitation at a physical and spiritual level.

How Angels Help Us Connect with Our Loved Ones

It is important to make a distinction between angels and lovedones for the purpose of this book. Angels are elevated beingswho dedicate their existence to helping others with compassionand love. Loved ones who pass on to the other side differ fromangels or spirit guides in one important respect. Loved oneswork with angels to help family members or friends in thephysical realm.

Unless they had a special passion or hobby, it is rare that aloved one would spend time helping strangers. This is usuallythe realm of angels. Angels help us with our spiritual developmentlong term, while loved ones help us with our personaldevelopment short term. Nonetheless, angels and loved oneswork closely together to achieve a vital balance between personalshort-term goals and long-term spiritual development. Both playan essential role in our spirituality.

* * *

My mother’s passing led me to discover another world, a worldwhere hope and love are boundless. Imagine such a place andyou are one step closer to receiving messages from your lovedone. Just don’t be surprised if your loved one says, ‘What’s thematter? I’ve been here the whole time.’

CHAPTER 2

Step 2

Pay Attention to Coincidences:Techniques to Cleanse Thoughts

Each of us has this moment. Some call it an epiphany. Othersrefer to it as an awakening. For me, I think it was closer to areckoning. I spent many years turning away from my spiritualityin an attempt to feel socially accepted. You see, it just wasn’t’cool’ to talk about angels. Growing up, friends wanted to discussboyfriends, music and movies. They were less than willing todiscuss the deeper questions in life. It was only when I reallybegan paying attention to the coincidences in my life that I foundthe happiness I desperately sought in my teens and realized mytrue path.

There are several ways you can learn to pay closer attention.You might want to try the following techniques to clear yourmind and the space you inhabit. The more weighed down we arewith painful memories, daily preoccupations or stressfulthoughts, the less likely we are to notice the events occurringaround us. Negative thinking is like a narrow alley. It constrainsus to think in a certain way, inhibiting healing.

Techniques to Cleanse Thoughts

• Meditate daily.

• Listen to music.

• Keep your living space tidy.

• Avoid clutter, old clothes with bad memories, or photos ofpeople that make you feel less than the best.

• Cleanse your body; cleanse your mind. A shower can helprevive you.

• Take a holiday to a sacred space or natural park.

• Keep a journal. This will help you from revisitingunhelpful thoughts. You can write a negative thoughtdown and counteract it with a positive statement.

The Quest

Remember we are all special beings with a unique purpose.Transforming grief into guidance helps us to realize thatpurpose, freeing us from the preoccupations many of usexperience after we lose a loved one.

Our journey is as much a story as it is a quest. The more youunderstand about your life day to day, chapter to chapter, themore you become aware of its direction and course. With thisawareness you begin to connect the dots between time, place andperson, and distinguish grief from guidance.

Throughout the 11 steps of this book I share my story andexperiences to illustrate how I turned grief into a unique opportunityto receive guidance. My story shows how death canbecome a life-affirming experience by using many of thetechniques, tools and exercises cited in each chapter.

A Childhood Memory

Spirituality was always an essential component of my story. Myearliest recollection was of a conversation that took place withmy mother. I was 5 years old. There was a perfect autumn sky,clear and crisp. My breath was visible on the window of thebackseat, clouding the glass every time I exhaled.

Mom and I were driving home after dance class. I sat in mypink tutu and black leotard, looking up at the Milky Way. Therewere ten thousand stars dotting the night, casting their soft lightover the darkened farmland. My mind instantly wondered at themagnitude of the sky, which held the moon and all the tinysparkling stars. We were told in class that this was the kingdomof God, where heaven was and the angels lived.

My mind couldn’t grasp the enormity of it. I found myselfwondering aloud what heaven looked like.

‘Heaven is big and white. People are very happy there,’ Momexplained.

‘Do people live in houses?’ I asked.

She paused for a minute, before answering, ‘People live inhouses they build with their imagination.’

‘What would our house look like?’

‘Big and full of light,’ she replied.

I imagined a transparent house with infinite rooms floating inthe sky. ‘A glass house!’ I shouted with excitement.

‘That’s right, a glass house where we could see for miles andmiles, and everyone we knew and loved would live with us.’

‘Like Grandpa and my baby brother?’

There was silence, followed by a long sigh. ‘Everyone will bethere: your grandfathers, grandmother and baby brother.’

‘Will you be there?’ I asked under my breath, afraid of herresponse.

‘I’ll be there when it’s my time.’

‘But how will I know it’s your time?

‘I’ll send you a sign.’

‘What’s a sign?’ I asked. My face twisted with confusion.

‘A sign is a message. I’ll send you a rainbow to let you knowwhen it’s my time.’

* * *

Admittedly, I missed a few rainbows along the way. That’s theproblem when you don’t pay attention. Skepticism gets the bestof all of us, even me. Fortunately, I did not miss the breathtakingrainbow radiating from the window of the airplane, landing onmy son’s cheek as he slept. It was the first time I had visited theUnited States in 2 years.

As I boarded the plane, I thought how challenging those 2years had been. My pregnancy was full of health scares, and themonths after my son’s birth were difficult. I struggled to adapt tothe grueling waking-and-sleeping schedule of a newborn baby,all the while missing Mom terribly. It was hard not being able tocall her to ask her if I had also suffered from colic. Dad wasn’tmuch help in this department as he tended to have memoryblanks concerning anything to do with me crying or needing tobe changed.

‘You really don’t remember, Dad?’ I asked in frustration as theclock struck one in the morning, another late-night emergencycall. My question was greeted with silence, followed with Dad’sdefeated voice: ‘Sorry, darling. I honestly don’t remember.’
(Continues…)Excerpted from A Circle of Light by Adele Vincent. Copyright © 2012 Adele Vincent. Excerpted by permission of John Hunt Publishing Ltd..
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